FF7 Wackiness!
by XTakuiX
Summary: Ok! this was here before, but got booted. It starts out as a list, but ends up as a wacky, insane, party fic...WARNING: HIGH INSANITY LEVELS! R&R!


A/N: I was veeerrry bored when I made this list. It was funny when I wrote it. Hopefully it still is. This is what happens when you mix crispy M&Ms and orange soda and a Saturday night home alone! Oh well. Read on and make sure your sanity is safely buckled in!  
  
Another A/N: Ok, this used to be titled "Things FF7 Characters Would Never Say!" However, it seems that it got booted for starting out as a list...Oh well. Hopefully, it'll be fixed! Anywho, read on and prepare for wacky, insane, possibly disturbing things! Mwaha!  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Final Fantasy. Square does. How can a shape own something? Oh well. Shoo, read. Shoo!  
  
Sephy: Takui, why did you have to put me in this?  
Takui: Because I'm the author. Besides, you say funny things.  
Sephy: Hmpf!  
Takui: Anywho, time for a walk on the wild side!  
Vince: With you, everything's wild.  
Takui: Why, thank you Vincey! ^_^  
Sephy: *unsheathes Masamune* say your prayers vampire!  
Vince: *takes out Death Penalty* go ahead, freak show! Make my day!  
Takui: Guys, please! You're distracting the readers! Put the weapons down!  
Sephy and Vince: Okay....  
Takui: Good boys! Vincey, you go play with my alter-ego Kurai  
Vince: OK!  
Kurai: Here Vincey Vincey Vincey!  
Vince: See ya later! *poof*  
Sephy: Much better.  
Takui: I'll say. On with the show!  
  
FF7 Wackiness!  
(aka: the Fanfic formerly known as "Things FF7 Characters Would Never Say! (and some they would...))  
  
  
Cloud: Pink is the best color!  
  
Aeris: No way! Black is sooo much better!  
  
Tifa: Screw you Cloud!  
  
Cloud: I love you Sephiroth!  
  
Sephiroth: Eww.  
  
Barret: Hello. I'm Barret, and I'm an alcoholic. *applause*  
  
Red XIII: Meow meow meow meow! Meow meow meow meow! Meow meow meow   
meow meow meow meow meow!  
  
Yuffie: I'll never steal again, I swear!  
  
Vincent: Hojo is such a nice man.  
  
Cloud: Yuffie sure is hot!  
  
Aeris: I'm gonna be a stripper!  
  
Tifa: You go, girl!  
  
Sephiroth: Help! That man's got a sword!  
  
Cloud: I'm addicted to Mako.  
  
Barret: Violence is not the way!  
  
RedXIII: I'm sorry, Cid, but I threw up on your rug.  
  
Cid: Help! I'm afraid of heights!  
  
Cait Sith: I love you! You love me! We're a happy family!  
  
Yuffie: Die!!!  
  
Cait Sith: AGH! *dies*  
  
Sephiroth: I'm too sexy for my sword. Too sexy for my sword. Way too sexy for my sword. I'm too sexy for my shirt....  
  
Takui: You bet you are....*drool*  
  
Yuffie: No authors allowed!  
  
Takui: Screw you!  
  
Yuffie: WAAAAA!! You're mean!  
  
Cait Sith: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!  
  
Cloud: Weren't you dead?  
  
Cait Sith: I'm a stuffed toy! I can never die! MWAHAHA!  
  
Barret: Awww, it's a cute cuddly little kitty cat!  
  
Cait sith: O_O  
  
Vincent: My eyes are actually blue, wear contacts.  
  
Cid: I'll never say another swear word as long as I live! *stubs toe* $%#@ it!  
  
Tifa: Martial arts suck, I'm gonna fight with swords now!  
  
Sephiroth: Ahh! It's WEAPON! Run for your lives!  
  
Ultimate WEAPON: ROOOOOAAAAAA---meow!  
  
Cloud and co.: O_O  
  
Vincent: Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about!  
  
Takui: Vince, you need to switch to decaf.   
  
Vincent: You'll never take me alive! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! *runs away but runs right into a wall and gets knocked unconcious*  
  
Kurai: Bad Vincey! No more sugar for you! *drags Vincey offstage*  
  
Tifa: That was somewhat disturbing...  
  
Aeris: *holding a huge mug of beer and standing on a counter top* All bow down to me! I am the lizard queen! *hiccup*  
  
Cloud: That's not gonna be pretty...  
  
Yuffie: Bow chicca bow wow! *starts dancing like a drunk stripper and trips over her own shoe laces* *THUD* Owies!  
  
Vincent (from backstage): HELP MEEEEEE! *runs past without a shirt, shortly followed by Kurai's very protective pet Cerberus*  
  
Takui: That ain't gonna be good....  
  
Sephiroth: Oh, yes it will...Good luck vampire!  
  
Vincent: *stops for a moment and flicks off Sephiroth*   
  
Cerberus: ROAR!  
  
Vincent: O_O *starts running again*  
  
Kurai: Wait, Vincey! Cerberus, bad dog! Sit! Stay! Nooo! Wait!  
  
Takui: Hello alter-ego.  
  
Kurai: Hello Takui.  
  
Sephiroth: This isn't turning out to be the fic you planned it to be, is it?  
  
Takui: Not in the least. Oh well.  
  
Cloud: *now standing on the counter with Aeris and holding an even bigger mug of beer* 99 green materias on the wall! 99 green materias! Take one down, pass it around!....uh..Wait, wait...uh...9..uh..99 green materias on the wall!  
  
Sephiroth: This is turning out to be a very odd fic. No one in their right mind will read it.  
  
Takui: *shrugs* Not that it matters. Most of the people who read this far wont be in their right mind anymore anyway.  
  
Sephiroth: True...  
  
Cait Sith: *shouting thru megaphone the wrong way and can't figure it out* Can't you hear me?! Barret! No! Don't touch the big doggie's tail! No!  
  
Barret: What? ....I'm supposed to touch the big hoggie's mail? What the hell is that?  
  
Cerberus: GRR!  
  
Barret: Oh, shit! *runs*  
  
Vincent: *pant* finally *pant* got that *pant* dog off my tail *pant*  
  
Kurai: Poor Vincey! *cuddles Vincey* We better put you to bed!  
  
Takui: Hey! Kids might be reading this!  
  
Kurai: So? You should rate it higher!  
  
Takui: Oi...  
  
Sephiroth: Put the vampire back in his coffin and nail the damn thing shut!  
  
Kurai: He's not a vampire!  
  
Vincent: I'm not a vampire!  
  
Takui: Sephy, Vincent's not really a vampire.  
  
Sephiroth: Oh, really? *holds up garlic and shoves it at Vincent*  
  
Vincent: hisssss!  
  
Tifa: *now also drunk and standing on the counter* Cat fight!  
  
Cait Sith: I'm not fighting!  
  
Cerberus: GRR!  
  
Cait Sith: O_O HEEEELLLPPP MEEEEEEEEE! *runs as fast as a stuffed mog-and-cat can run....it's not nearly fast enough...Cerberus makes Cait Sith its new chew toy*  
  
Cerberus: *chomp*  
  
Cait Sith: *squeaks like a squeak toy*  
  
Takui, Kurai, Sephy and Vincey: Oh brother.  
  
Aeris: *drunk and falling off counter* I'm not your brother! *hiccup* *thud* Owwww...  
  
Yuffie: That goat doesn't love you!  
  
Red XIII: Good, I was hoping ti didn't....  
  
Cid: A-hoy, matee!  
  
Red XIII: Agh! Help! It's Animal Control! *runs*  
  
A.C. Officer #1: Holy shit! That is one big hampster!  
  
Red XIII: I'm not a hampster...  
  
A.C. Officer #2: It talked! Ahhhh! *runs away, jumps into truck and speeds off*  
  
A.C. Officer #1: Hey! Wait for me! Jackass!  
  
Sephiroth: Can we help you?  
  
AC Officer #1: Oooo! Can I have your autograph?!  
  
Sephiroth:.....uh...no...*cuts off guy's head*....there...all better..  
  
Takui: Bravo!  
  
Kurai: *turns into a blue, winged demon with a whiplash tail and black hair* Here Vincey Vincey Vincey!  
  
Vincent: O_O help! Demon! *runs*  
  
Takui: Just about everyone here is drunk...  
  
Cloud: You can't *hiccup* prove anything! *hiccup*  
  
Aeris: Look at me! I can fly! *jumps off stairs and lands flat on her face, unconcious*  
  
Sephiroth: Good, I was about to shut her up myself.  
  
Takui: Well, since they're all gone or unconcious or dead...we might as well end the fic.  
  
Sephiroth: Good call. Coffee break?  
  
Takui: Damn straight!  
  
  
  
A/N: That was incredibly insane! Oi...I need sleep. If I get enough reviews, maybe I'll do another one! Beware! Mwhahahaha! 


End file.
